11 Days Overdue and just...Wow

If you've ever been pregnant, you know that even if you try REEEEALLY hard not to count how many days you have left until your due date, but by the end, you totally do. 

Which stinks when end up going overdue.

Especially when you go 11 days overdue. 

Hormones are raging. Tying your shoes is a joke. All people seem to want to talk to you about is how they can't believe you're still pregnant...

But I have to admit: being overdue 2 or 3 days was actually harder than being 9 days overdue. I think I'd just kind of mentally given up by day 6 or so, realizing that any anticipation that I was having that I might actually have a baby that day was going to end in complete and utter disappointment, so why even care anymore? I was going to be pregnant forever, so I'd better just deal with it...and in the meantime have some dang fun! Or...at least as much fun as I could manage ;)

Yes, in the end I did indeed have the baby. And I feel like survived being overdue quite well and I learned a TON in the process. Here's a journal entry I wrote near the end of that experience.
Read on if you'd like to know
1. How I survived (quite happily, actually) and
2. What happened during my attempts to find out WHAT THE HECK happens at a German hospital when you're 10 days overdue.

(Originally written March 8th, 2017)

So. Over the past week and a half, I have learned a lot. As of today, this baby is 9 days overdue and is showing absolutely no - NO - signs of coming anytime soon. She is just...really staying put. Tomorrow I am scheduled to go into the hospital and be induced. More on that in a minute.

But what do I feel like I've learned over the past 9 days? 

A lot. 

A lot about myself, AND a lot about something (having your baby be overdue) that a LOT of people, apparently, go through. 

It seems like since I've been overdue, everyone that I meet is telling me "oh yeah! My daughter was 14 days late!" or "I know how you're feeling - I was 9 days overdue" or ...

...so I am not alone.

Even my own mother admitted to being 1-2 weeks late with with all 6 of her children. All of them. 

HOW IN THE WORLD DID I NOT KNOW THAT??!!

So, not only am I in good company, but I guess I was pretty lucky to have my first two kids relatively on time. 

How I have felt about this experience has come in waves - not only from day 1 to 9, but also throughout the day. Mornings are often optimistic, and evenings are often grumbley, and somewhat disappointing, having spent yet another day hoping that something magical might happen by the end of the day, with no results. 

Here's what I feel like I've learned thus far, mixed in with what I've found most helpful through this process. 

1. This is a good opportunity to practice patience. 

Often, when I am feeling impatient, there's some underlying cause - a hidden sliver in my finger - that I am completely unaware of. I don't even realize that the sliver is there until I am sighing heavily with exasperation, being much too stern with my kids, or worse. With this situation, however, I knew exactly what was wrong. I knew that there was underlying stress, and I knew why. I've thought a lot about how I often say to Bridger "Even when we're tired/hungry/frustrated, it's still important to be nice to other people" - and I sincerely tried to practice what I preach. It was good - sure I had my slip-ups, but I feel like this has been character building, and perhaps even a good week-and-a-half's practice for needed patience to come in the coming months as we adjust to having a newborn. 

2. Having something to look forward to everyday helps. A lot.

Berkley and Me on a date,
5 days overdue

Since I wasn't having this baby, instead of sitting around all day, thinking about how I wasn't having the baby, but maybe I would tomorrow, I decided to "seize the day". I've filled my day with things that I wouldn't be able to do with a tiny newborn and recovering body, but that I can do right now. I held a story time at my house for little kids. I got together with friends. I meal planned and cooked good food. I went on dates during the day with my husband (thank you in-laws for being in town!). I took my in laws to Altstadt here in Dusseldorf and showed them around. I went to the international library...

...I could go on, but the point is that I could have canceled any and all of those things last minute if I were having a baby, but because I wasn't, I was actually enjoying myself, enjoying friends, being distracted, and getting things done.

  

3. Make the effort to look good, and you'll feel pretty good.

I've been lucky. I have had a really good pregnancy, and over the last 9 days, even though I AM HUGE, I have felt physically really, really good. I have slept fairly well, and (partially in an effort to coax this baby out) have been really active with very little negative effects. Sure, I may be more tired at the end of the day, or I may not be able to stand around at the museum as long as I normally would, but hey - all things considered, it's been good. Also, I've felt good about myself. I picked out all of my favorite maternity clothes and have been sporting them - even the dresses - all week. I do my hair, and I wear the cute shoes as long as I want to. I figure, if I am only going to be wearing these clothes for just a few more days, I might as well enjoy them :) 

(Also, I just have to say, for the record: I have this amazing friend who invited me over to her house, rubbed my feet, painted my toenails and did my hair for me when I was 2 days overdue. And it WAS AMAZING. I hadn't painted a nail of any sort since 6th grade (literally) and my hair pretty much always needs help, and you know what? She made me feel amazing. I loved it, and I love her. So - yeah...just remember that.)

So now, as I head into the final 24ish hours of this pregnancy, how am I feeling about what is coming? How do I feel about what the heck happens when you're going to a hospital 10 days overdue in Germany?

About the baby itself: Sooooo excited! I can't wait to meet her. 

About the birthing process itself:

Let me be honest. Hesitant. Worried. Venturing into unknown territory. 

Let me explain:

Last Saturday, my OB office was closed. The OB told me that I had to go into the hospital for my daily CTG (yes, they make you go in an monitor the baby's  heart rate daily when you're overdue). At first I was just annoyed, since I've been doing these things all of the freaking time - every day - and Saturday is my family day, and I KNEW it would take forever to get it done at the hospital (it did - 3 hours total). But I also decided that, hey - maaaaaybe this would give me a chance to ask some questions about the hospital and what was coming up, including what their procedure was for inducing labor. 

I showed up, and a very nice nurse/midwife helped me get started with the CTG. I introduced myself, told her that I was still learning German, and that, if possible, English was a lot better for me. She smiled politely, and looked at me like "Um...yeah right." 

It was clear she didn't speak English. 

At the end of my CTG, I decided that I better just ask her my questions about inducing labor, in case I didn't get a chance to meet with anyone else. So, in my best German, I asked her. It was somewhat pathetic - I didn't even know how to say "Induced". Eesh.

Luckily she understood, and carefully launched into an explanation, which, though I tried reeeeally hard, I didn't fully understand. It sounded...complicated. What I did catch was something like:

"well, you drink this concoction of scheigheig, boeighoig, und gheigheigh that makes you poo and encourages contractions, then you go home and sleep for the night, and if nothing is happening in the morning, we give you these pills...."

?????

Poo-inducing-concoction???? Pills????

Not that I am a fan of pitocin, at all, but at least I know what it is. Unlike the poo concoction or pills....

I just kind of smiled and nodded, hoping that I would be able to run into someone else that could clarify. 

Luckily, I did. They had me meet with a doctor before I left (because I am so overdue) and I asked him. He didn't say anything about the poo-concoction, but did mention the pills that I would take every 4 hours until I had the baby, along with more CTG's, of course...

While his answer was better, it still left me with questions. 

This week, when I met with my OB for the last time and she said that I would need to go to the hospital to be induced, I asked her what the procedure normally was. She didn't mention anything about the poo-concoction or pills, and instead started talking about something they would insert up my hoo-haa, which would then...

...whaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAt?! 

Not that I am opposed to new things, but I just want some consistency here, people! My OB told me I would just have to ask the people at the hospital. 

Fine. 

So. As I was going to bed that night, tired, full of hormones, and unsure of what exactly was going to happen, I realized how truly anxious I was feeling, and it did not feel good. Birth is a beautiful thing, and I felt so blessed to have had a natural, unmedicated birth with Juniper where I knew what was happening to my body and why. Even with Bridger's birth, where medication was necessary, I had someone there to explain, carefully and clearly, what was going on with each step of the process, even before it started. But to enter into this experience, with hope for something beautiful, but knowing that there are going to be unfamiliar chemicals going into my body, not knowing what they are nor how my body will react to them, nor how anyone's body in the past has typically responded to them - it's just...

...unsettling. 

So. I have a plan. Today, I am going to ask my upstairs neighbor to call the hospital with me. She speaks pretty good English, and is kind, so I feel comfortable figuring out what it is that's actually going to go into my body will be. Then I will call my amazing midwife friend from the UK. I am hoping that she'll know what the hormones/pills/chemicals/whatever are that they'll be using, and tell me a little more about them. If not, at least she might be able to ease my mind a bit, and give me hope (she's good at that on a lot of levels). 

Then, tomorrow morning I am going to make a big, fun breakfast for the kids, Les and Corinne, Berkley and I: pumpkin pancakes, apple sauce, cinnamon rolls, eggs, sausages, and a drink menu of smoothies, juice or hot chocolate...it will be my one final shebang! Then off to the hospital. 

I want to feel excited, not anxious. I want to feel empowered, not vulnerable. I want to feel prepared, not in the dark. 

I deserve to feel the way I want to feel. 

But no matter what happens, one thing that is reassuring is that I will have Berkley at my side the whole time, supporting me, my kids are in the best of hands with Grandma and Grandpa, and in the end of all of this, I'll have a little baby girl. 

So - away we go! Wish me luck. 

Just so you know, this is the only mirror-selfie I've ever taken...I needed the mirror to get a good, accurate representation of how enormous that belly really was