Adjustment

Sometimes, change is really, really good for you. And adjustment to it almost always really hard. 

Here is a photo my dear mother took of me shortly after my little Juniper was born. 

I love this photo. It represents the best of a time filled with closeness, gentleness, helping hands, blessings, and a LOT of love...oh, so much love.

I will be the first to admit, however, that even though bringing a new baby into our home was an incredibly joyous thing, it wasn't easy. When Juniper was about 1 1/2 months old, I found myself feeling overwhelmed and inadequate.  I felt that things were going well, and I was happy, yet I often found myself in tears over these emotions by the end of the day. I hoped things would get better with time, but it wasn't happening as quickly as I wanted it to. Something had to change.

Finally, one evening, I had to get to the root of things. I had to hash it out. It was time to figure out WHAT exactly was making me overwhelmed, why I felt inadequate, and make goals for what I could do to make things better. 

Berkley (bless his heart) took the kids, and I took an hour to sit down on the couch, by myself, notebook in hand, tears streaming down my face, and did an honest self-assessment. I broke things up as follows:

• Basic Responsibilities (listed out)
• Added Responsibilities (listed out)
• Sources of Stress (listed out)
• Ways to Manage Above Sources of Stress (listed out)
• Specific Goals

It was a brainstorming session. I'll spare you all the scribbly details, but some of my sources of stress were things like:
-Losing my patience with Bridger
-Inability to take care of the listed basic responsibilities
-Not having any time for my own needs/wants
-All of the above, combined
-Unrealistic expectations (like, how much I will accomplish in a day, what time I leave in the morning, personal time, naptime, etc.)

With all of my scribbling, thinking, and brain-venting via ball-point pen, I decided to set 3 very specific and attainable goals to help me adjust:

1. Pray for patience with Bridger each morning, reporting back at night.
2. Each morning, identify ONE basic home responsibility task to do for the day and ONE personal thing I'd like to do with my time.
3. Be patient with myself and focus on the joyful moments of each day! There are many. 

This worked for me. My stress level sank, my tears lessened, and instead of feeling so overwhelmed at having a messy house and no dinner on the table, I instead was given focus and purpose on one task, and felt happy when it was done. The adjustment wasn't exactly sudden - but I am happy to report, 4 months later, that I have adjusted, (I feel like I've adjusted well) and so has my little family. 

So - when it comes to the stress surrounding adjustment to life changes, I encourage anyone reading this to take the time to assess! Do what works for you - go for a walk, write in your journal, do some yoga - whatever!  And then set realistic, productive, attainable goals. It did me wonders. 

First Post: What's on my mind tonight

I need to do a better job of recording this time in my life because it's pretty much amazing. Beautiful, really. 

Currently Bridger is 5 days away from becoming an official 3 year old, and Juniper is in the middle of her fifth month of life. Juniper is smiley - oh, so smiley - and a little rolly-polley of a child. She's so close to crawling - I give it 2-3 weeks. I've caught her getting up on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth before returning to her ever-comfortable belly. Also, she's a talker. A couple of weeks ago, she was hitting the smiley-gaspy-screechy-I-am-learning-to-use-my-voice

Happy Girl

-to-make-noise stage, and it's since mellowed out into "buh-buh's" and "guuuuh"s, with little squeals of delight her

Definitely siblings, right?!

e or there, mostly directed at her brother. 

Speaking of her brother, he's turning into quite the little friend for her. It - is - INSANELY heart melting to watch them. This afternoon I sat and watched as Bridger went over to where Juniper was playing on the floor, and laid down next to her, both of them belly down, with his arm over her back, looking into her face, and just kinda smiling. She would smile and reach her little, flailey arm out to touch his face, and he would laugh, and rub his head up against hers. It lasted several minutes, and just about killed me.  Juni's just getting big enough to really want Bridger around, and he's just starting to notice her attention - and like it. It's the best. Ever. 

Bridger is turning into such a little champ too. He's always been my little buddy, even when he was little little, accompanying me on all sorts of adventures and making it way more fun that it would have been alone.  But now that he's able to carry a conversation and come up with his own ideas and express them, it's like we're at a completely different level. His vocabulary and conversational skills are developing through the roof, but the innocence is still there, making it incredibly fun at times. Like the other night: I woke up, from a dead sleep, to a little voice next to my bed saying "Mommy...I'm just awake right now". It was the first time, ever, that he's successfully let himself out of his bedroom at night, and I love that that was what he had to say about it. 

Dressed as a cowboy at a
"Hoe-Down" at the church.

Today we were looking to burn some time in the morning (with his new door opening skills, he's been waking up earlier too) and so I took him and Juniper on a lonnnnng walk. I let Bridger make the calls on which way to turn, when. While we walked we talked about the trees, the cars, the dirty sidewalk from that morning's thunderstorm...and on and on. 

Needless to say, he's quite the little companion. 

They're both growing so fast, and I feel like I have so much to remember - things to remember that are so good that right now, it feels like I could never forget them. But I know I will. Things like how a friend lent us a little wooden balance bike a couple of weeks ago, and in the 4-5 times that Bridger has been out on it now, he's turned into an expert. Or how he's recently developed pretend voices, like "the tough guy" or "the baby" or...(it goes on).  Or the way that Juniper reaches up and touches my face, or has this little breathy mumble that she does every time she's concentrating on something. As much as I don't want to, I know, I will forget these things! So in an attempt to give these memories a little more life, I am starting this blog. I want to remember, and I want to share it with those I love (if I can only figure out how to run the dang thing, right?!). 

Looking over this, I realize that I've waxed eloquently on just one slice of the pie - my kids - but there are so many other beautiful aspects to my life: my fantastic husband, my religion, my dear friends, my talents and goals, my family, etc., etc., etc. And hopefully I'll write about it all. But tonight, this is what is on my mind, and how great is that??? Not "where's that bag of chocolate chips, it's been a long day" or "BED. BEDDDDD." or even "let's watch a show" (all common end-of-the-day thoughts for me). But, what a wonderful thing for me to think about as my day draws to it's close!